Life sucks, and at least point I would do anything to be thin.
I have not gotten to this low point many times in my life, but I feel like I am at my lowest - concerning how I feel and my self esteem - which is ZERO.
I can't even look in the mirror without thinking I look like I am 300 lbs. I hate everything about my body - everything. I now only wear pajama pants and a hoodie, jeans and hoodie, or something oversized to hide my body, otherwise I feel "stuffed" into everything that is my closet.
I have gained weight. It's the truth. And I can't deny it. And all I have to blame is myself.
I have gained at least 25 lbs, which makes me want to vomit as I write it. I was a size 12! a size 12 last summer! Then - Tracy Turnblad happened. I should have NEVER gained weight for "hairspray" back in November, I regret it with everything I am. And it makes me even more depressed I let myself do it, and then not get right back on track with the show ended. I am just soooo sick with myself, I just hate myself for it.
Tonight I am feeling so over-stressed, lonely, fat, disgusting, and so many other crazy and emotions.
The only good note I can share is that I did join a gym which makes me feel better. The fact that I have somewhere to go to workout - no more excuses. No more. Now it's just getting into a regime.....I guess it's easier said than done.
Goodnight for now.
Getting upset just talking about how f&%*ing fat I am.