My story....

My name is Gina, and I am 27 years old and I have been overweight my whole life. My highest weight was 3 years ago of 287 pounds; I was a size 24 and a borderline diabetic. I have been through numerous eating disorders including a 3 year addiction with bulimia, and have taken every weight loss pill and drink on the market. I have spent thousands on weight loss programs and equipment, and have probably lost and gained over 500 pounds since the age of 5.

I thought for years I had a food obsession. I would use that line all the time "i just love food". which I do. I'm Italian, I was raised with food being shoved down my throat every night at dinner, it was insulting if you didn't go back for seconds. But I think my obsession with food runs deeper than even I am aware of and I am determined to find out where it comes from, and why there are times I am not full when everyone else is...why I have to eat dessert...why i can't pass up pizza....why my will power seems to worse than everyone around me.

My history with weight issues goes back pretty far. I could write a book about the torture I endured daily; verbally and physically from family, friends and in grades k-12. And like many of you probably reading this my stories aren't you're normal "I was called names"; when you're physically beaten up for being fat and ugly, it never leaves you and you beat yourself up emotionally about it for years to come, it isn't a fun ride as an adult.

Also, I have an obsession with my scale. It is the devil. But it's like a drug...I can't stop getting on it. It's a huge challenge not to weigh myself more than once a week, but I find myself weighing myself daily if not a few times a day. Because with most overweight women, our weight is on the brain from the minute you wake up to the minute you go to bed; can you imagine that? can you imagine every other thought all day is "how fat do I look?", "I wish I wasn't fat", "I wish I was as skinny as her", "if I was just a little thinner..." it's utterly draining.

But if you are overweight (or have been overweight), you know it's a daily struggle. It's a struggle to think you're beautiful, it's a struggle to be happy for your accomplishments, it's struggle to look in the mirror and not want to change something. And no matter how much weight you loose there is always that fat girl inside you screaming for help.

For the past 3 years I have been trying to conquer these issues, and I have lost about 85 pounds thus far on my journey. It is a big accomplishment but I still have long way to go, and I am still not happy with myself. I actually felt more confident at a size 24 than I do at 12/14, how is that possible? Is it because I didn't care when I was that big? I have no clue. The mind plays weird games. I think due to the tapering off of the weight loss and my constant hard work with calories counting and working out and still being at a stand still for about 5 months, it's discouraging and makes you feel like your 300 pounds.

And I am not creating this blog for everyone to go "poor gina", I don't wait your pity, what I want is for people to understand me, and most overweight people in general, that we come from a long line of emotional problems, it isn't just an obsession with food, it's an obsession for acceptance, and it isn't a constant need for attention, it's a constant need to be loves for who we are.

So I ask the question to all of you, are we ever thin enough? Will we ever be happy with who we are...just as we are? What is the "little fat girl" saying inside of you? How are you overcoming your weight issues?

Say what you feel.....